Have you ever watched an anime or read a manga and asked yourself if those confessions do really happen in real life? Perhaps wondered how different Japanese dating culture is from the West’s?
In this article, we will be sharing how Japanese dating culture works, as well as teach you some words and phrases that may help you succeed in the Japanese dating game up until your very own happily ever after.
Confessing Your Love in Japanese
You might be wondering whether the love confessing culture, which is usually shown in anime and manga, really does exist in Japan. In fact, this culture is called 告白（こくはく）or kokuhaku, and is widely practiced and considered as an essential part of an official start of a romantic journey.
It can be observed that kokuhaku is usually done by females, and can be done even before asking the other person out.
In Western dating culture, couples would usually hang out or go on numerous dates first before becoming exclusive or official. In Japan, on the other hand, relationships could already become exclusive or official once someone confesses and has been ‘accepted’.
For non-native speakers, it is kind of challenging to convey or discuss their feelings because in English there is a clear distinction between words like and love; whilst in Japanese, these words have the same counterpart which is 好き(すき) or suki.
Depending on the level of affection, you would hear people say the following when expressing their feelings:
Common Ways to Express Love/Like in Japanese
| 好きだ / 好きです | (suki da/suki desu) | I like you. |
| 大好きだ / 大好きです | (daisuki da / daisuki desu) | I like you (a lot). |
| 愛している | (aishiteiru) | I love you. |
If you wish to do kokuhaku, you should note that愛している (aishiteiru) is rarely used compared to好き(suki) and大好き(daisuki). You would not want the person you like to feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed, nor would want to be perceived as a creep so try to avoid saying this if possible.
The safest phrase to use if you’re interested in someone and wish to go out with them would be 好きです(suki desu).
Valentine’s Day and White Day
If you are thinking of confessing to someone you are attracted to, Valentine’s Day is the time you should look forward to to let that person feel extra special. In Japan, this is among the events where you will witness the culture of kokuhaku.
On this day, it is a tradition for women to give chocolates to the people they like, as well as to other people they are not romantically interested in.
Chocolates given to the people they like are called 本命チョコ（ほんめいチョコ）or “honmei-choco”, which are usually fancy and expensive, or maybe home-made. On the other hand, chocolates given out of respect to friends, workmates, and family are called 義理チョコ（ぎりチョコ）or “giri-choco”.
Of course, there will be an event for men to express their adorations. This happens a month after Valentines, and is called White Day. This is where men give back to the people that gave them presents during Valentine’s Day.
Here are some vocabulary and phrases that may help you during these events:
| バレンタイン | barentain | Valentines |
| チョコレート | chokoretto | chocolates |
| プレセント | puresento | present |
| バラ | bara | rose |
| 花（はな） | hana | flowers |
| 花束（はなたば） | hanataba | bouquet |
| 手紙（てがみ） | tegami | letters |
| 彼氏（かれし） | kareshi | boyfriend |
| 彼女（かのじょ） | kanojo | girlfriend |
| 携帯番号（けいたいばんごう） | keitai bangou | cellphone number |
For example,
| バレンタインがまちどおしい！ | Barentain ga machido oshii! | I can’t wait for Valentine’s day! |
| バレンタインをいっしょに すごしてくれませんか？ | Barentain wo issho ni sugoshite kuremasen ka? | Will you be my Valentine? |
| かれはわたしにはなたばをプレセントしてくれました | Kare wa watashi ni hanataba wo puresento shite kuremashita. | He presented me with a bouquet of flowers. |
| わたしはかれし (/かのじょ) がいます。 | Watashi wa kareshi (/kanojo) ga imasu. | I have a boyfriend (or girlfriend). |
| でんわばんごうきいてもいい？ | Denwa bangou kiite mo ii? | Can I get your number? |
Japanese Vocabulary and Phrases for Asking Someone Out
If you wish to ask someone out on a date, you can use the verb 付き合う(tsukiau) which means “to go out with”, “to associate with”, or “to accompany someone”.
The word’s meaning and usage vary on the context – when asking someone to go on a casual date, or to state that you are in a relationship. Confusing, right?
Again, keep in mind that kokuhaku plays a great part in officially establishing a relationship. So, unless kokuhaku is accepted, then tsukiau’s meaning and usage would be the former.
Here are some phrases to help you ask someone out:
| かえるまえにきっさてんにいくんだけど、つきあってくれませんか？ Kaeru mae ni kissaten ni ikun da kedo,tsukiatte kuremasen ka? | I am going to the coffee shop before going home, would you like to come along (or hang out) with me? |
| すきです。わたしと つきあってください。 Suki desu. Tsukiatte kudasai. | I like you. Will you go out with me? |
| こんどいっしょにどこかにあそびにいきませんか。 Kondo issho ni doko ka ni asobi ni ikimasen ka. | Do you want to go out with me sometime? |
| デートにいこう。/ あそびにいこう。 Detto ni ikou. / Asobi ni ikou. | Let’s go on a date. / Let’s hang out. |
| Using でもどう (demo dou) - “How about…” | |
| かいものでもどう？ Kaimono demo dou? | How about some shopping? |
| えいがでもどう？ Eiga demo dou? | How about watching a movie? |
| コーヒーでもどう？ Kohi demo dou? | How about (grabbing) some coffee? |
Date Places Vocabulary
| えいがかん | (eigakan) | movie house |
| どうぶつえん | (doubutsuen) | zoo |
| ゆうえんち | (yuuenchi) | amusement park |
| ・ディズニーランド | (Dizunīrando) | Disneyland |
| ・ディズニーシー | (Dizunīshī) | Disneysea |
| びじゅつかん | (bijutsukan) | museum |
| すいぞくかん | (suizokukan) | aquarium |
| こうえん | (kouen) | park |
| まつり | (matsuri) | festivals |
For example:
| いっしょにゆうえんちにでもいかない？ Issho ni yuuenchi ni demo ikanai? | Would you like to go to an amusement park together? |
| こうえんにさんぽしにいかない？ Kouen ni sanpo shini ikanai? | Would you like to stroll in the park? |
| すいぞくかんにあそびにいこう？ Suizokukan ni asobi ni ikou ka? | Should we hang out at an aquarium? |
Japanese Phrases to Use During a Date
Now that you have successfully asked someone out, you will want to know, compliment, impress, or entertain your date. Here are some of the must know phrases that you can use:
| すきなたべものはなんですか？ Suki na tabemono wa nan desu ka? | What is your favorite food? |
| このレストランどうおもいますか？ Kono resutoran dou omoimasu ka? | What do you think of this restaurant? |
| つぎはどこへいこうか？ Tsugi wa doko e ikou ka? | Where should we go next? |
| てをつないでもいい？ Te wo tsunai de mo ii? | Can I hold your hand? |
| キスしてもいい？ / キスしたい Kisu shite mo ii? / Kisu shitai | Can I kiss you? / Let's kiss. |
| あなたをいえまでおくります。 Anata wo ie made okurimasu. | I will drive you home. |
| きょうたのしかった (です)。 Kyou tanoshikatta desu. | I had fun today. |
| いつまたあえますか。 Itsu mata aemasu ka. | When can I see you again? |
How to Compliment your Date in Japanese
Do you want to earn plus points from your date? Try saying these words to compliment your date.
(SUBJECTは ) ADJECTIVEですね 。 = You are ___________.
(SUBJECT WA) ADJECTIVE DESU NE.
Adjectives:
| きれい（な） | kirei na | pretty |
| かわいい | kawaii | cute |
| カッコイイ | kakkoii | cool |
| ハンサム | hansamu | handsome |
| センスがいい | sensu ga ii | have a good taste |
| じょうず | jouzu | good at |
| すてき | suteki | lovely |
| あたまがいい | atama ga ii | smart |
For example,
| ほんとうにセンスがいいですね。 Hontou ni sensu ga ii desu ne. | You have really have a good taste. |
| はなしじょうずですね。 Hanashi jouzu desu ne. | You are such a good speaker. |
| かわいいですね。 Kawaii desu ne. | You’re cute. |
Japanese Love Vocabulary: Beyond Dating
If things have become more serious, here are some phrases and sentences to help you take it to the next level:
| じんせいさいあいのひと Jinsei sa ai no hito | Love of my life |
| けっこんしてくれませんか。 Kekkon shite kuremasen ka. | Will you marry me? |
| けっこんしよう。 Kekkon shiyou. | Let’s get married! |
| けっこんしたい。 Kekkon shitai. | I want to get married. |
| いっしょになろう。 Issho ni narou. | Let’s be together. |
| だけしめたい。 Dakeshimetai. | I want to hold you. |
| とてもあいしています。 Totemo aishiteimasu. | I love you so much. |
| えいえんにあいしています。 Eien ni aishiteimasu. | I (will) love you forever. |
| あなたをこころのそこからあいしています。 Watashi wa anata wo kokoro kara aishiteimasu. | I love you with all my heart |
| あなたのことをいつもおもっています。 Watashi wa anata nokoto wo istumo omotte imasu. | I always think of you. |
| あなたをいつもしあわせにします。 Anata wo itsumo shiawase ni shimasu. | I will always make you happy. |
| えいえんにだいじにしたい。 Eien ni daiji ni shitai. | I will treasure you forever. |
| いっしょにいるとあんしんします。 Issho ni iru to anshin shimasu. | I feel safe whenever I’m with you. |
Other Useful Phrases
Japanese people are said to be shy and politeful. It’s true – they usually avoid giving a direct “no” as they always mind whether the person they are speaking with would feel bad if they say so.
When turning down a date or telling someone you’re no longer interested, here are some phrases that you might hear, or can say.
| ごめんなさい。 Gomen nasai. | I am sorry. |
| わたしにはつきあっているんひと がいます。 Watashi ni wa tsukiatte irun hito ga imasu. | I am seeing someone. |
| もおあえない。 Mou aenai. | I can’t see you again. |
| ごめん、もうかれしがいます。 Gomen, mou kareshi ga imasu. | Sorry, I already have a boyfriend. |
| きょうみがないです。 Kyoumi ga nai desu. | I am not interested. |
Now that you have learned some Japanese love vocabulary and phrases, you can now understand and navigate the unique Japanese love confessing and dating culture. You can pick up more words by watching more anime and reality shows.
